There is no better cup of coffee you’ll make at home than with a percolator. Yes, that old school method your grandmother used and served with those other outdated items: coffee cake, sugar cubes, and the clear plastic table cloth (with the fabric underneath) and napkin holder, makes a cup of coffee you’ll be looking forward to every morning. Trust me, every other home coffee maker pale in comparison. The perc’ is the champ. Let me fill you in as to why.
The percolator spends time with the grounds, they bubble, they brew, that hang, they heat, they text, and the end result is a perfectly hot brewed cup of coffee. Then you add heavy whipping cream. Divine. And when you go back for another cup? Yep, hot and delicious like the first cup you poured because the percolator is plugged in and keeping that coffee second (and third cup) hot for you.
But don’t let me tell you, you decide. Here are the coffee maker losers (I can’t really rate these because they are all about the same … except for “bum” coffee my father taught me how to make (at the end, a silver medal winner to the percolated cup).
French press
First if all, the damn press is hard to press down, let’s get that out of the way right now. And then, only the first cup of coffee is hot. The rest you have to reheat, come on, no, no. No! It sounds sophisticated but the French press, unless you are going to serve it all after “the press” not good unless you’re okay with warm coffee and constantly having to reheat your next cup.
Standard counter top coffee maker—who cares what the brand is
This commoner has evolved from producing average coffee to getting larger overall, and taking up more space on your countertop yet still producing the same average cup of coffee. You’d think after all of these years the taste would improve, but sadly no. Further who wants all of that hot water flowing through black plastic and into your cup? Sorry Mr. Coffee.
Italian coffee stove-top Moka pot
While this one is a staple of Italian culture and I agree it makes a good pot of coffee, again, the second it is off the stove the coffee starts to cool. And these are typically made of aluminum and aluminum + food I eat or drink, not good. Have to pass to pass on this one. Arrivederci, honey.
Espresso maker
The sheer complicated process with this method, there’s just no way I’m doing that first thing in the morning. And the counter space it takes up? This is for people who want to impress their friends. Go to Italy and get your café there, leave this espresso maker nonsense at the store. I’m not impressed.
Nespresso Coffee or Keurig coffee maker wasteful plastic landfill fillers, bastards!
First of all, I can’t get past the sheer plastic waste of this process. Until they can do this in a way that doesn’t make a laughing stock of the environment and piss on it at the same time, I’m not even going there. Who cares if the coffee is good when you are not even considering the impact on the environment. Go away little needless plastic pods of convenience.
Bum coffee
Now, this is the method you need to know about. It makes the best coffee (right up there with my percolator) and all you need are coffee grounds, a saucepan, and water. My father from New York showed me how to make this simple and straightforward way from his days performing in the circus. Just add your cold water to saucepan, add grounds, bring to boil, simmer with cover, and serve. You will be surprised how good this rudimentary method works in making a great cup of coffee. Just don’t forget it is on the stove or it will bubble over and the grounds will get all over the stove and down into places you can’t reach.
Have I left anything out?
Oh, right, the coffee filter thing over a cup, pour the water in and hope. I haven’t tried this myself but it doesn’t sound like a good idea, though I could be wrong.
—Sketch
letters from sketch 