I am often told I have the best cats. Sweet, interesting, jump on your lap and stare into your face kinds of cats. While I may not be doing anything on purpose to make them this way, maybe, inadvertently, come to think of it, I do a few things that produce these affectionate cats that run to the door when you get home and look deeply into your eyes at the dinner table like a date.
Here’s what I do with all my cats (except for the one in the house I can’t touch because she is mental, a feral Japanese Bobtail that has never gotten over her fear of humans, but don’t give up on ferals, they are not all this way):
First, always talk to them like they are humans. Come up with unique expressions, tones, and names for them and use them often. Constantly give them new nicknames. Use these all the time.
Make sure they mind their manners. If they don’t, they get time out just like a kid. Put them in a separate space (like the bathroom or laundry room), tell them to think about their behavior and shut the door. Several minutes later as you open the door and ask them if they are going to behave they will do one of two things: push through your legs to get out as quickly as possible or they will saunter out slowly, ignoring you the entire time. Don’t worry, they got the message, you’ve successfully redirected. But you have to be consistent about this: sassy + mean behavior = doing time in the bathroom. It’s that simple.
And expect them to behave. None of this naughty biting and chasing the other cats under the couch business. No, no, no. That is going to result in: scared cat peeing on couch cushion. Or hiding in the closet. Use a firm “No” and look him squarely in the eye. He knows you mean business. (A side note about cat pee and the question of how to get rid of the smell. If they pee on anything in your house, immediately burn your house down and rebuild—works every time.)
Don’t shock them when they are sleeping ever. If they are so cute in their little cozy bed all curled up that you can’t stand it, pet them gently (but not too much; cats seem to like it if you give them a little tiny pet and then leave. Don’t linger. I think this builds trust when they are in the vulnerable state of sleeping).
Play with them and chase them, most every cat wants to play with you, at least when they are young. And at any time pick them up—regardless of their mood—and kiss their face a bunch of times in a row. Do this all the time and I promise you they will be following you all over the house, sleeping on your bed. Fighting with each other for your attention.
Sometimes, when they are on chair, or looking at you, gently stroke them once, just for a second. One little scratch behind the ear or on top of the head kind of thing. You’re letting them know that you know they are there and you are not crazy. Well, maybe you are.
Sometimes pick them up and then very gently set them back down like they’re a fragile little lily whose petal is going to easily tear or bruise. Believe me, setting them down gently . . . seriously, who does that with a critter that has nine lives and is known for landing on all fours no matter what? Sometimes you just have to give them the opportunity to not have to engage their James Bond-like tool set. You know every cat has the same basket of survival goodies at their disposal. Hence the nine lives.
Let them sleep where they want. No rules. No “no cat zones.” But I hear you. If you want a room or sofa cordoned off, just do it in a way your more-intelligent-than-you-most-likely cat doesn’t notice. Be consistent about it. Remember the main objective here is not having to burn your house down to get rid of the cat pee smell.
And throw cat beds around the house like candy. They’ll use them. Make sure they complement their fur color, it’s great for photo opps and their self esteem.
And when you go to the vet, be there, never leave their side. Ever. Insist.
After a while you will have a cat (or cats) who grab hold of your hand after you finished petting them on the bed and purr into your neck.
It’s that easy.
—Sketch
letters from sketch 